I’ll be honest with you all, for the past several months I have been completely alone. Now I know some people will say your single its nothing to get upset about. And they are probably right but I can’t shift the feeling that i am not good enough. I never make it past the first few dates either by their decision or mine. You’ll start talking to someone, begin to develop feelings and then get dropped like you’re nothing. Continue reading
So as you may have guessed I was less than impressed at the man who professed to love me was lying to me all along. But then I decided to take a look at myself, don’t get me wrong I spent many a night crying myself to sleep and hating him for what he did. After all the pain and the hurt I was mentally and physically exhausted. I couldn’t carry on as holding all that and pain was killing me, not him but me. I realised that while you can hate and you can cry the only person feeling that pain is you. They at the end of the day feel nothing, they don’t care. They aren’t going to stay awake at night worrying over what they did to you, they are going to spend their days looking after themselves. So thats what you have to do, you have to look after yourself.
I went out with my friends, went for days away, meals out and laughed about the most random of things. It was then that I found I didn’t need him to feel happy, we were not supposed to be together. At the end of the day we were barely together and when we lived together he was loving and loyal. It was simply a case of two people who loved each other but met too soon in life to appreciate that they had. I wish him no ill will, no hurt, no pain. I fact when we do speak these days, and he talks about how happy he is with his new partner I smile and feel happy inside. This is because when it all comes down to it I want him to find happiness wherever that may be.
My journey is believe me no where near that smooth, I have been knocked down more times than I care to think about and I’m still picking up the pieces…. some are still falling off. A very wise woman told me today, its all about picking out the positives in everyday no matter how small. Today my positive was one of my work friends telling me I am a strong, intelligent woman…. even if I do have a terrible taste in men haha. I’ve got to love him, James is one of those rare people who has been through it all. He has had to drag himself up through some of the worst crap imaginable and he pulls no punches. There’s been many a day when he’s told me I look like crap…. my response…. yeah i couldn’t be bothered with make up i wanted the lie in.
Don’t get me wrong he drives me up the wall, but if you ever need someone he is there. He gives you not the advice that you want to hear but the advice that you need to hear. And guys trust me he’s lived through it so you know it works. I’ve given him my phone on many an occasion, he’s deleted numbers… messages… photos so I don’t get any daft ideas. If you only ever take one piece of advice from me its find yourself a friend like that and don’t let them go.