Finding religion in times of pain

As some of you may know I have been going through a rough patch, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to streams of tears falling down my cheeks. This is what my life had become now, the mistrust, the pain and the heartache. I believe my partner met up with/spent the night with the woman he has been secretly dating. While some may say why am I still with him/you deserve this… I thought long and hard about that very thing, the answers to those questions are as follows… I love him and I am weak and this is my penance.

I finally dragged myself out of bed, did my hair, put on my make up and did something most out of the ordinary…. I went to a church Continue reading


A journey of betrayal

So I guess i should have expected this, Ive led a substantially less than perfect life. I makes sense that the straight and narrow would be more wonky and wide. To put you in the picture six months ago I met a man, he was nice, kind and everything you could hope for in a partner. He made real effort with my friends and we went out and explored together. This was the kind of relationship I had been dreaming of. Continue reading

The pain of being alone

I’ll be honest with you all, for the past several months I have been completely alone. Now I know some people will say your single its nothing to get upset about. And they are probably right but I can’t shift the feeling that i am not good enough. I never make it past the first few dates either by their decision or mine. You’ll start talking to someone, begin to develop feelings and then get dropped like you’re nothing.  Continue reading

Fighting against the machine…

Given that i work for a fashion retailer I should be used to the pressure by now but it really doesn’t stop. The run up to christmas is challenging to say the least, the thing is though i love the how busy it gets and the weeks where you’re absolutely smashing budget really are awesome. I was just wondering does anyone else have days when you feel completely demotivated, kind of like your best isn’t good enough. Are they looking for holes in your work or are you actually bad at your job.

Continue reading

Week two in the USA

So it’s my second week here and it’s been somewhat of a roller coaster. My head is all over the place, in all honesty I feel like I’m failing. I need to write down what I want to achieve and go out and prove it but it is just so difficult at times.

I feel like the people I work with think less of me. I get frustrated over little things and get upset by most. I don’t want to cry though, when I’m finished I’m going to write my plan, set it in stone. Though once you’ve been working 12 hour shifts 6 days a week, you are so exhausted and everyone keeps going nuts over everything.

To top things off I’ve done the daft thing I always do. Get attached, start to care…. I think that needs to stop now, I need to distance myself. To protect myself from more pain and suffering.