So I guess i should have expected this, Ive led a substantially less than perfect life. I makes sense that the straight and narrow would be more wonky and wide. To put you in the picture six months ago I met a man, he was nice, kind and everything you could hope for in a partner. He made real effort with my friends and we went out and explored together. This was the kind of relationship I had been dreaming of.
But lets be honest thats not how the story ends, one week ago I read texts from another woman. They had met up, they had done things and they couldn’t wait to see each other again. That is the moment my heart was ripped from my chest. This man who told me he loved me was saying the same to another woman behind my back.
I can’t quite put into words that feeling when you realise you are not good enough. It crushes your very being, your spark goes out and you are just a walking shell trying desperately to make sense of it all. I wish i could say I got the answers I needed but I was fed a lie and he stuck to it, there was no getting the truth out of him. I would like to ask the question…. why do people cheat?
It has kept me up into the early hours thinking of all the possible things I could have done wrong, where I wasn’t quite perfect and everything changed. Maybe I didn’t like to go out enough, maybe the fact I enjoy reading books and watching terrible tv series was a real turn off. What makes a person go from one to the other, without ending it first? There is a real head spinner, would i have been happy if he had ended it…. no, but at least I would be able to trust, I would have some self worth. I am aware that this is Karma, this is my fate, I was not a good person. I have done some truly terrible things to some wonderful people.
While living in the realisation that not everyone gets a happily ever after is tough, watching others settle down, have children. Its a life I can only dream, its the life I was chasing, that I thought I was working towards when a married man came into my life and turned it on its head. Thats a story for another time, I feel I should point out that I was the subject of a catfish, I didn’t know he was married and I fell in love, when I found out I broke down. I was at a low point when I thought scraps were better than nothing at all. At that moment when I needed to be strong I wasn’t and karma has shown me the way.