Over the last few weeks I have been looking back at the last 12 months as everybody does this time of year. While most will want to lose weight, be more disciplined, travel the world and the like, I have been thinking about my termination. I can’t help but thinking that maybe i didn’t make the right choice.
Now don’t get me wrong I know all the logical sensible reasons that I didn’t keep my child
- The father was… well… married
- I wasn’t financially stable enough to pay for a child
- I would have to give up my job
- I didn’t plan it so mentally I wasn’t prepared for the responsibility
- I felt ashamed of having to explain to my child why their was a whole side of their family that didn’t want to know
These are all very important reasons that every expectant mother should consider, a child deserves both parents and I would have been robbing mine of one.
So I made the decision to have a termination.
Looking back I still have the scan photo, i think back to the thought of having a tiny human growing inside me and I feel warm inside. A feeling of love that I can’t quite describe, it makes no sense… I never met my child, I never held them in my arms, I never planned for them to exist. But yet when I look at that photo I am reminded that my little peanut did exist and even though there were dozens of reasons not to keep them. There was one reason to keep them and thats the one i should have listened to. I love my child more than words can describe and I will never know them.